GEEKOLOGIE RSS TEST THREAD

[test_user]

GEEKOLOGIE RSS TEST THREAD

 

[test_user]

This is a longer form video (14 minutes, or about 42 times the average attention span) of Columbia University explosives engineer Rodger Cornell rating ten movie explosions for plausibility and scientific accuracy. Movies include Indiana Jones (the new one), Transformers, Django Unchained, X-Men, The Dark Knight, Desperado, and more. So how do they stack up? You'll just have to watch and find out. "You didn't watch it, did you?" Hey, I love explosions as much as the next guy with a bedside table full of fireworks, but my attention span is even below average. "And your intelligence?" Also below average. "Penis?" Off the charts above average. If my penis was graded on a curve, kids graduating college 100 years from now would receive straight A's. "That's not how grading on a curve works." Did I mention it can also bend the very fabric of space-time? Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a video of Joaquin Baldwin's Bengal cat Elton meowing after getting the autotune treatment. Why? That's the question that will haunt me for countless nights, and undoubtedly make its way to my Tuesday afternoon counseling sessions, where I'm fairly certain my therapist just listens to podcasts with his AirPods in and nods at me.

Autotuned the cat because he won't shut up in the mornings. I don't know how this helps but I did it anyway. Yes, he's a Bengal, his name is Elton. I used an app called Voloco for iOS to make the autotune sounds. And no, he's not thirsty, he just happened to be by the faucet in part of the video because I was brushing my teeth. This is his "love me now" voice, he comes to bed in the morning to knead and purr and loudly meow to get some scritches.

At least he's meowing and not clawing. I used to have a cat that would wake me up in the morning by reaching up under the covers from the side of the bed and clawing whatever flesh he could stick his little needles into. Usually my feet. Plus if I tried closing the bedroom door he would just scratch at it or throw all his weight against it over and over. For as long as I knew him I don't think I ever slept in on a single weekend. I still miss him though. "Well that took a sad turn." The Rainbow Bridge is real, I know because I've seen it (my heart stopped during surgery once and God thought I was a pug). Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is the $20 Back to The 80's Edition of Trivial Pursuit, with a Stranger Things theme (shipping May 1st). There are 1,500 new questions on 250 cards in six categories: Movies; TV; Music; Famous People and Events; Trends, Tech and Fun; and Stranger Things. Plus the board has portal spaces that if landed on send all players to the Upside Down (the board flips up to represent the Upside Down, seen on the left side of the photo, regular playfield on the right), where you can lose wedges for incorrect answers. Fun! Man, I can still remember the first time my dad ate a Trivial Pursuit card. I think the question was dated so the answer actually was incorrect. Or, who knows, maybe he just wasn't getting enough fiber in his diet and had a craving. shrug I've eaten the bark right off of trees before. Thanks again to Closet Nerd, who knows what I like, and I like alienating friends after a particularly heated game night (piss off Greg, Michael, Audrey, and Dave).

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a video of a pregnant Christmas Island red crab casually popping some young offspring in her mouth like they're candy. That's some pretty hardcore snacking. Some more info while I make a mental note to do everything in my power to never be reborn as a red crab:

Every year, 50 million Christmas Island red crabs migrate from their jungle homes out to the coast to spawn their eggs into the sea in a spectacular event, timed with the tides and a special phase of the moon. The baby crabs drift around out at sea for the first month of their life and if they are lucky, the currents bring them back to Christmas Island. If some spawning crabs decide to migrate a month late, aiming for the same tide a month later, occasionally you'll have this remarkable situation of pregnant female crabs coming down to the coast to spawn at the same time as last months baby crabs are coming back out of the water in a living red carpet heading into the jungle. Amazingly, filming this crab on her way down to spawn, she was stopping along the way to feast on the tiny returning crabs

Man -- it's a cold, hard world out there. One minute you're being born, and a month later somebody else's mom is eating you and your siblings like a bag of Skittles. Mother Nature: she's a cruel mistress. She might be an even crueler wife though -- just ask Father Time. "She tied my balls to the hour hand of the town clock at 6PM." Wait, what?! "Help it's almost 11." I'll call the fire department, I'm not touching those old prunes. Keep going for the whole video while I contemplate if the circle of life is really just an arc.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

Say goodbye to your knives throws knife into roommate's leg because this is the Indiegogo campaign for the $25 Peanut Butter Pump, the brainchild of inventor Andrew Scherer. The pump attaches to any standard 40-ounce jar of smooth or crunchy peanut butter (not malt liquor or penises), and can be hand-pumped to dispense the jar's contents, all the while creating enough suction to perfectly clean the sides of the jar as its used. Impressive! It also comes with two nozzles: a flat ribbon nozzle for covering max bread real estate when you're making a sandwich, and a stream-style nozzle for making smaller snacks like ants-on-a-log. Now as I'm sure anybody who knows me intimately is aware (along with a bunch of strangers on the internet now), peanut butter is my go-to midnight snack. "It's true, he gets up like four times throughout the night and always comes back to bed smelling like peanut butter." And? "And chocolate milk." That's correct. Sometimes I'll eat a Greek yogurt or blast some spray-cheese straight down my gullet, but usually it's just peanut butter and chocolate milk. What can I say -- I'm a creature of habit. "He's a peanut butter monster." Honey I'm pretty sure these folks don't want to hear us have the monsters are creatures too argument again. Keep going for an infomercial style video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

Conceived by Dubai based entrepreneur Hatem Alkhafaji, Space Roasters is a company that aims to roast coffee beans in space because apparently that's something that will justify a $200 - $400 per cup price tag, which I actually believe because how successful are you really if you haven't tasted space brew? lifts cup with pinky out Filthy peasants. Some more info about the roasting process:

The collaboration aims to produce the perfect roast by shooting a capsule in space and using the heat of its re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere to roast the beans at the most appropriate temperatures. The coffee beans will float inside it in a pressurized tank in a zero-gravity heated oven so that they can be evenly roasted with 360-degree heat distribution and other suitable settings. The capsule (christened as the Coffee Roasting Capsule) will be launched next year and will carry 300kg of coffee beans that would be fired on a rocket to a height of around 200km for the perfect brews.

Will the space roasting actually make a difference? Because I feel like the quality of beans you start with would make a bigger difference than whether they're brewed in space or not. Now I love space and coffee as much as the next person who daydreams about both constantly, but $200 - $400 a cup? "Wait -- now when you say daydream do you mean daydream OR FANTASIZE?" What's the difference? "Usually boners." Okay these are definitely fantasies. Keep going for a video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a short video from Phuket, Thailand of a diver rescuing a small marine fish that found it's way into a discarded plastic bag, presumably after thinking it spotted Dory, only to realize it was just its own reflection too late. They really should learn to vet these fish search party members. Still, at least the story has a happy ending. I don't even want to think about the millions of other stories with sad endings, especially not Where The Red Fern Grows. "Jesus, GW." Hey at least I didn't bring up Artax dying in the Swamp Of Sadness. Keep going for the video, which isn't the speediest rescue I've ever seen (it was all performed one-handed so it could be filmed with the other to document the plight of our oceans), but at least it was successful.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is the $25 Super Mario Fire Flower Garden Statue designed and sold by ThinkGeek. The 12-inch resin statue weighs 3.5 pounds and would look perfect tucked into a flower bed. Not to brag or anything, but I'm somewhat of an accomplished gardener myself. "What do you grow, weeds?" What are you, a cop? "I said weeds, not weed." Oh, no -- just my own vegetables for the most part. Why buy it when you can grow it, that's my motto. "Is it though?" Man, I haven't grown anything since that last inch in college, and that was really only a quarter-inch that I've lied about on my driver's license ever since." Keep going for a couple more shots in case you were curious what the back looks like. SPOILER: just like you'd expect.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a video of a goat climbing down a very steep palm tree. Admittedly, that is some solid hoofwork. If I had been that goat there's no question I would fallen from the very top of the tree, then when I finally raised my head I would have gotten conked by a bunch of falling coconuts, just like you'd expect to see in a cartoon. "That's not a coconut tree." I'm also not a goat, this is all just hypercritical. "You mean hypothetical?" You know what? slams laptop, flushes, stands and pulls pants up I think I'm done here. "You forgot to wipe." MY UNDERWEAR WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. Keep going for the video, as well as another from a couple years ago of a goat chilling waaaay up in a palm.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a short video of professional parkour athlete Aleksandra Shevchenko (Best Female at Red Bull Art Of Motion 2013 & 2017, 1st at FIG Parkour World Cup 2018) showing off her not so professional side with a wall to moped trick gone horribly wrong. The whole thing is great, although, just like finding a giant piece of solid chocolate at the bottom of a waffle cone, it's really the end that makes it such a special treat. Keep going for the video, I didn't include a gif because I didn't want to ruin it for you.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a fascinating older video (I've watched it three times all the way through already and I never do that) of a man with a very clear passion for pillows discussing the various aspects of different pillow inserts, and in particular their karate chop-ability, presumably because you never know when there could be a ninja hiding your pillow. Keep going for the video, which may or may not have just been added to my fetish bookmarks (it was). Also, I like how he makes it crystal clear at the beginning of the video the websites are cushionsXpress.com and pillowsXpress.com with no e in the middle, because those would obviously be websites for entirely different kinds of pillows.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a video of Gabby Tropea trying to convince her cat Boko to remove the security stick holding the sliding glass door closed after her sister accidentally locked her out. Haha, "accidentally." If there's one thing I've learned about sisters it's that they never accidentally lock you out of the house, they do it on purpose because of something you did months ago that pissed them off. Anyway, Boko is more than happy to help Gabby back inside the house, which is why I've called you here so we can to convince my mortal enemy's cat to let us into his house so we can loot all his exotic treasures. Ooooooh, and I couldn't help but notice you brought snacks. "Those are cat treats, I thought they might help." Right, right, of course spitting up into sleeve smart thinking. Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

Because summer probably isn't going to come anyways so what's the point of having a pool, this is a short video of a man riding the giant iceberg that froze on top of the above ground pool he's destroying with a shovel. It's also accompanied by the Pirates Of The Caribbean theme, which was definitely value-add. In his own inspirational words:

I saved the motherf***ing beer, dude!

Technically I'm not certain he saved the beer as much as it just didn't fall over when his ice raft hit the rapids, but whatever, I'm not here to argue with my newest hero. You just watch, this man is going to be a real star one day. "Of what?" I mean I'm assuming a backyard wrestling league. Keep going for the video of Captain Jack London in action.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a video from Woodville, Texas (I feel like I could have guessed that based on the video content and accents) of a teen boy pumping gas for the very first time in his life. Me? inhales deeply, reminisces fondly I started pumping gas when I still spent most of my time in a stroller. Some more info:

"This was my son's first time pumping gas. It was very cold that day and my son wanted to help me out by getting out in the cold instead of me. That's when I realized he had never been taught to pump gas. We did go back a few days later and he got it on the first try. We were in a small town in Texas after baseball practice."

Man, how does a kid that old not know how to pump gas? Has he never watched anybody? Do people usually just ladle their gas out of a well in Woodville, Texas? And that handle replacement -- did he forget how it looked when he found it? Now call me old fashioned, but I feel teaching someone how to pump gas or defuse a bomb by trial-and-error might not be the most effective, or safe, learning technique. 2/5 stars, still wish I could have been there to smell it. Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

Because who in their right mind would stick a piece of metal in an electrical socket unconsciously rubs lighting bolt scar running up forearm this is a video demonstration of the hidden wall safe that requires a user to stick a key in one of the type J outlet holes in order to unlock it. Just don't get too drunk and forget which outlet in your home is the hidden safe, or you might have to spend the rest of your life with electricity based superpowers. And who wants those? chargers electric car in an instant, solves world energy crisis Just kidding, I really only use them to electrify the urinal when a friend is peeing. Thanks to Alexander S, who agrees the next time you're looting an enemy's home, don't forget to tear out all the walls with a pickaxe looking for hidden safes.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is another 'Star Wars By The Numbers' video highlighting every time The Force is mentioned in the first nine Star Wars films (previously: the number of missed blaster shots by stormtroopers during the Death Star escape scene in Star Wars: A New Hope). So, you wanna take a guess how many times the Force was mentioned? SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER: a total of 157, with 22 mentions in A New Hope, 16 in The Empire Strikes Back, 10 in Return Of The Jedi, 14 in The Phantom Menace, 9 in Attack Of The Clones, 20 in Revenge Of The Sith, 10 in The Force Awakens, 14 in The Last Jedi and a whopping 46 in Rogue One. Obviously, they went pretty heavy on Force talk in Rogue One. How many times did I pretend my penis was a lightsaber watching all the movies? Every time there was one on screen, and three-quarters of the time there wasn't, just in anticipation (well over a hundred thousand easy). Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is a short video from Airport Boulevard in Pensacola, Florida of clearly not a stunt driver from the Fast & Furious franchise attempting to drift his vehicle through an intersection after a cars and coffee meet and proceeding to crash right into a light pole. Thankfully he didn't hit anybody else's car or I'd be pissed. Actually, no -- I am still pissed that he even could have. As I'm sure you're all aware, I'm all about making poor decisions, but ONLY if you're the only person who can suffer from them. Now, who wants to help roll me in bubble wrap and give me a push me down the stairs? I'll also require a spotter in the lobby to make sure the coast is clear. "You really do care." Of course I do. Jk jk, I want you to aim me right at Greg when he's returning from lunch. Keep going for the video.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

To advertise the release of cross-franchise anime fighting game Jump Force on the PS4 (also available on XBox One and PC), these are the giant craters left in a wall of Tokyo's Shinjuku Station by Dragon Ball's Goku (using his Kamehameha attack), Luffy from One Piece (using his Gum-Gum Red Hawk attack), and Naruto using his Rasengan attack. Pretty cool. Of course I'm not saying I could punch an even BIGGER crater, but I'm pretty sure the hole in my kitchen wall speaks for itself. "There's barely a dent, and I'm pretty sure it says your roommate ate all your Totino's Pizza Rolls." And they were the new cheeseburger flavored ones too, I didn't even get to try them! Keep going for a closeup of each plus a video because Nicholas just couldn't live without one.

Continue reading...

 

[test_user]

This is Husqvarna's Timber online dating app, "the first ever dating service matching tree lovers with beautiful trees around the globe." Basically you just like or dislike all the various trees you're shown until you get a match. Unfortunately, just like how I use every other dating app (and I use them all), I liked every single tree and still never got a match. "You're one of a kind, GW." I am, aren't I?! "Just not in a good way." Haha, no, I never thought that. Thanks to K Diddie, who agrees paper bark maples and saucer magnolias are the real crème de la crème.

Continue reading...