GEEKOLOGIE RSS TEST THREAD

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This is a short video from an indoor jungle gym in Texas of a mother who decided to ignore all the 'CHILDREN ONLY' signs and have a little fun herself. Unfortunately for her, she has the exact opposite of fun as she falls through all the netting like a sack of potatoes. "Yukon Golds?" Plain old russets. Thankfully, the child at the bottom is able to scramble out of the way before she hits him. Man, who would have ever thought all those signs and warnings were actually there for a reason and not just to prevent adults from having fun? "Says the man currently stuck in a McDonald's PlayPlace slide." Please help, I don't wanna have to get the fire department involved again. Keep going for the video.

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[test_user]

This is a video of skateboarder Murdythedawg (who I've actually been following on Instagram for many years now) attacking the 27 steps in front of the Walt Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles. He does a fantastic job too -- such poise and grace. And if you're concerned Murdy doesn't like skateboarding, you can watch any of the other hundreds of videos of him skating on Instagram and realize not only does he enjoy it (he initiates his tricks himself), but he's better than I'll ever be. Damn, outskated by a dog! tries to break board over knee, bone rips through skin in a geyser of blood Oh boy. Hey can I borrow your medical insurance for a little? Keep going for the whole video, which features Murdy giving a paw-bump at the end of his trick like he always does.

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[test_user]

This is a video from somewhere (Russia?) where somebody thought that maybe a little shovelful of snow might extinguish an electrical fire. I...don't think it worked. It probably just needs more though, I'd keep shoveling. And make sure to really get it in there. Keep going for the whole video, which features way, way, way more fireworks.

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[test_user]

This is the Rick And Morty Anatomy Park Special Edition of Operation available from TheBigBadToyStore ($28, and probably available elsewhere, do your research, you don't pay me enough to be your personal shopper although I do think you'd look great in culottes). Personally, I've always hated Operation. I used to run screaming and crying every time I got buzzed. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true -- as rough and rugged as my exterior might seem, I've always been a very delicate creature on the inside. Like-- "Quasimodo." Okaaaaay, I was going to say like a butterfly operating a giant mecha, but why not hurt some feelings? Thanks again to hairless, who agrees Operation is the exact reason why it's scary to concentrate anymore.

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[test_user]

Because sometimes dreams really do come true, the French Fencing Federation has joined forces with the French Lightsaber Academy and announced it's official recognition of lightsaber fighting as a sport, has a tournament already planned, and hopes to have the sport added to the Olympics in the future. swinging curtain rod You're going down! Some basics about a fight:

Opponents face each other in a circular area and have to tap their competitor 15 times within three minutes...the head and body score five points, arms and legs are worth three points.

Oh man, I'm all over this. I've honestly never had a better reason to get in shape in my entire life. "I literally told you that you were going to die if you didn't." Whatever, doc. But do you think it'll ever actually make it as an Olympic sport? I mean, stranger things have happened. Granted not very many and I can't really think of any and I've spent the better part of an hour trying, but still. throws light-up bouncy ball at opponent Lightgrenade! Keep going for a video news report of the action while i pray nobody tells Star Wars Kid about this so the rest of us competitors at least stand a chance.

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[test_user]

This is a super sweet video of a very well behaved boy who uses his family's Ring doorbell to call his father at work and get him to explain how to turn to the Kids Channel (channel 25) on the television (his mom is across the street with neighbors, but said he could go home to watch television). Plus he blows a bunch of kisses into the camera. So, if you were looking for something really sweet, watch this. If you were looking for something sour, go buy some Warheads or Cry Babies and let the roof of your mouth know who's boss. Just really let it have it. Keep going for the video.

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[test_user]

This is Norfolk, Virginia based Smartmouth Brewing Company's Saturday Morning IPA, a Lucky Charms inspired beer that's brewed with cereal marshmallow bits. The 6.6% ABV brew will be available for a limited time before Saint Patrick's Day, but unfortunately only in Virginia at select bars, restaurants and beer stores because Smartmouth can't ship their beer. Thankfully, I have some friends in Virginia who can. wink wink, nudge Some more info while I buttchug a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. "Ouch." They're like little scouring pads:

According to Smartmouth Brewing, Saturday Morning IPA is "..brewed with in-house toasted marshmallows and bulk dehydrated-marshmallow-bits. It has been hopped and dry-hopped with Galaxy and Calypso hops. The nose is sweet and citrus, with orange and pear aromas. It has a soft pillowy body with a slight cereal taste. The result is magically ridiculous!"

I like how it's even called Saturday Morning so you won't feel so guilty drinking one in the AM when you wake up over the weekend. "Honey, what the hell are you doing?" It's called Saturday Morning! What was I supposed to do? "You were supposed to get dressed so we could meet my parents for brunch." Riiiiiiight -- about that. "WHAT about that?" sees that look in her eyes I'll go jump in the shower. Thanks to Closet Nerd, who agrees there's nothing more relaxing than kicking your feet up on a Saturday morning in your pajamas, bowl of cereal on chest, cartoons on television. It's a lifelong pleasure.

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[test_user]

Hi, I'm here for the concert. It only seems appropriate since sharks are harbingers of death and the most metal dwellers of the sea, but apparently the animals are actually attracted to death metal music because "the 'dense tones' of it mimic the 'low frequencies of struggling fish.'" Some more info while I find out what music detracts sharks and play that forever, especially in the bathtub:

Sharks 'hear' by picking up vibrations from receptors on their bodies, meaning they can be attracted to the low-frequency vibrations of heavy music, which apparently sounds like struggling fish.

Fascinating. Obviously, I plan to use sharks' attraction to death metal to create an army of the creatures and use them to raid Atlantis. "But I thought you were terrified of sharks." For untold riches I'm willing to risk it. And I'm putting you in charge of distracting Aquaman while it happens. "How?" Here, put this on. "A Little Mermaid costume?" Do whatever it takes. Keep going for a clip from a Discovery Channel show (Bride Of Jaws) of music being played to attract sharks.

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[test_user]

This is the functional Heckler & Koch XM8 assault rifle (actually an SL8 with a custom XM8 conversion kit) modded by Hollywood props engineer Tom Bostic of TommyBuilt Tactical with a Cobra Commander theme from the G.I. Joe franchise. Man, I miss those old red lasers vs blue lasers days. Some more info:

This is an H&K SL8 I converted to an XM8 with my furniture kit, that's an actual Insight Technologies 4x XM8 prototype optic basically unobtainable, lol Beta C 100 G36 drum and a custom barrel shroud. We did it up in the Old 80's cartoon Cobra Commander theme from the GI Joe toys and cartoons.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Pork chop sandwiches?" Forever and always. That's one of my top two go-to's when I'm feeling down. "And the other?" The bar. If I'm really down I watch the video AT the bar. Keep going for several more shots.

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[test_user]

This is a very short video of Russian "professional calisthenics athlete" Alexander Didenko performing a very impressive backflip to handstand (or, as I'm calling it, a half back handspring). I can already hear my wrists breaking. Now I'm not saying I could do that, because I know that I could't because my penis is so gigantic it completely throws off my center of gravity. "I don't think that's the reason." shaking head sadly at penis You've ruined me. Keep going for the video, although the gif is really the whole thing, just with a crappier framerate.

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[test_user]

This is the Avengers Infinity War Gauntlet Rings Bracelet available from ThinkGeek ($35). It's an officially licensed (personally I would have skirted that) piece of jewelry and features adjustable rings, each set with a faux infinity stone (you mean those aren't the real things?!). Want all the power in the universe but suffer from a nickel allergy? Don't fret my pet, the piece is made with a nickel-free zinc alloy. So, would you wear one? "No." Would you wear THIS? "Is that a promise ring?!" It sure is. "For me?!" I never said that. "Oh." Of course it's for you, and look -- I also carved our initials into the trunk of this tree! "Who's L.Z.?" Well I didn't know your initials so I just had to guess. pops champagne, produces list of baby names I'm sorry but this is all just happening so quick! Keep going for one more shot of the not-gauntlet not on a hand.

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[test_user]

Because what the hell else is there to do in the middle of winter in whatever barren arctic wasteland this is from, this is an entirely too long video (4 minutes!) of the competitors in a Winter Carnival snowblower race. That does not look like it's very much fun. Snowblowing is a chore, not a sport. The same goes for running. "Says the guy who thinks getting up off the couch counts as a sit-up." It does, and I try to do as few as possible. I want to keep my meat nice and doughy for whatever giant eventually eats me. Keep going for the video.

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[test_user]

This is a short video (with multiple playbacks and slow motion) of a woman opening a chocolate-filled bun when her cat comes along and reverse stomps right in the chocolate. That sucks. I mean, you know where those paws have been (SPOILER: covering turds in the litter box), so that chocolate bun is pretty much just trash now unless you're cool getting worms. Me? I've had worms twice in my life. "When you were a kid?" Once when I was a kid, once currently. Keep going for the whole video, the replays just makes it better and better.

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[test_user]

Above: Cross section with stick removed. This is another video from Binging With Babish (previously) walking us through the steps of recreating the Krusty Krab's King-Size Ultra Krabby Patty (double battered and served on a stick) in real life. Like finding your roommate seemingly dead on the kitchen floor when you're going for a midnight snack without your glasses on, it's a heart-stopper. Would I still eat one? labored breathing I really shouldn't. But peers around office for signs of my doctor maybe just a little nibble doctor leaps out of recycling bin next to printer with a snack bag full of carrots "Oh no you don't!" Dammit, how do you keep doing that?! "I also found the mayonnaise in the shampoo bottle in your shower." But that's my comfort mayo! Keep going for the video while I go test my blood pressure with the machine at the local pharmacy (hopefully I can get my arm out when it catches fire this time).

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[test_user]

Because sometimes you get a bad connection and can't hear what MacGyver is telling you to do when you call him for advice (did he say a log?), this is a video from Russia of a bus being towed with a wooden ski for a wheel. Or, who knows, maybe MacGyver really did tell them to use a log, it does appear to be working. The four cups of coffee I've already had this morning? Not so much. coworker snickering What the hell's so funny, Greg? "I switched your regular coffee with decaf!" Ahahahahahaha, good one! Kinda like how I switched all the project files you've been working on with memes. "Wait -- what?" tosses a coupe empty boxes over cubicle wall Good luck with that presentation this afternoon. Keep going for the whole video, which unfortunately ends before friction causes the log to catch fire, which it almost certainly did. Also, do you think it started as a whole log that's been worn down or was it already split? Asking for a friend with a flat and no spare.

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[test_user]

Because you have to teach your kids how to count somehow, and maybe those Star Wars stormtrooper missed blaster shots or mentions of The Force aren't your child's particular cup of juice, this is a video count of all the times 'dude' is spoken in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. The grand total? Sixty-nine! Just kidding it's ninety-one. That would have been a cool Easter Egg though. Keep going for the video while I create an office pool to guess how many 'dudes' are in the original movie.

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[test_user]

Because dream and you can achieve, this is a short video of a guy channeling his inner Ninja Turtle (presumably Michelangelo) and eating an entire slice of pizza in one bite. Well, he doesn't actually eat the pizza in one bite, but he does manage to get the entire thing in his mouth. I've actually tried this several times myself, and every single time has ended with someone having to give me the Heimlich, and one time mouth-to-mouth. "You sure that wasn't just your dog trying to eat the pizza out of your mouth?" Please, I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of my distorted memories. Keep going for the higher quality video.

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[test_user]

This is a video of a skateboarder performing a trick run that involves five separate board changes. Not one, not two, not three, not four, not six, not sixty-nine, but FIVE. Man, I remember when I was a kid growing up in West Virginia I didn't have five skateboards, I only had the one, which I made out of a broken chair and my sister's roller skates. "What was your most difficult trick?" I'd say breaking my leg and having to walk to the hospital. The first half of the trick was surprisingly easy, but the second half -- I passed out twice and didn't think I was gonna make it. "Why didn't you just push yourself on the skateboard?" I was ten! "And?" Not very bright. Keep going for the whole video, with two more boards.

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[test_user]

Created by actor Topher Grace and video game editor Jeff Yorkes "while their wives were were out of town one weekend", this is 'Star Wars: Always', a five-minute trailer for the entire Star Wars franchise using clips from all ten existing films (episodes 1 - 8 plus some Rogue One and Solo). The trailer is fine, but I was more excited to know a couple dudes weren't afraid to live life to the fullest while their significant others were out of town. Or -- OR -- did they actually piece the trailer together over the last few months knowing their wives were going out of town, and just pretended this his how they spent their weekend? "Not everyone is a pathological liar like you, GW." Oh no? Then how do you explain this photo of the two partying in Mexico? "It's Photoshopped." No it's not. "It's also Tobey Maguire and Thom Yorke from Radiohead." Ahahahahaha, I should have paid more attention what I was Googling. Keep going for the trailer.

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[test_user]

This is a short, mesmerizing video of somebody's pet ball python morph causing a box to steadily rotate as it slithers around the box's exterior. Um, was I just hypnotized? Because taking shirt off I feel like I was just hypnotized. "You weren't hypnotized." Then why is my shirt off? "You just took it off." I don't remember doing that. And why is your shirt on? "We're not rubbing our nipples together for good luck again if that's what you're getting at." OH COME ON I HAVE A KICKBALL GAME TONIGHT. Keep going for the video in 17-second long form.

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